Detective Column

Why Doesn’t Infidelity Ever Disappear? Reasons for Affairs and How to Spot a Potential Cheater Before Marriage

When a man and a woman are drawn to each other and vow to spend a lifetime together in marriage, it might seem like a dream come true. Yet, from time immemorial, the institution of marriage has seen its fair share of troubles. Among them, infidelity remains a constant challenge.

How is it that people continue to cheat on a loving spouse or in a seemingly blissful home? Even with today’s calls to stay home for public health, some individuals take risks to meet an affair partner. In this article, we explore why infidelity never truly fades away, examine the causes of affairs from both men’s and women’s perspectives, and discuss ways to detect whether a future partner has a tendency to cheat before tying the knot.

Why Do People Engage in Infidelity?

If we look at the question of why adultery persists, we see there are countless triggers and conditions that can lead to cheating, varying from person to person. While it’s impossible to cover all scenarios, we can categorize some major factors driving people to commit infidelity.

Fulfilling Sexual Needs

One reason people cheat is to satisfy unmet sexual desires. This can happen to both men and women; however, in marriage, women undergo pregnancy and childbirth, which means they can’t engage in sexual activity for certain periods. During these times, husbands may feel their desires go unfulfilled and turn to someone else. In addition, while sex drive declines with age, men and women don’t always see that decrease at the same pace. For instance, men typically reach peak libido in their twenties, whereas women often do in their thirties. This disparity can fuel cheating.

Discontent with One’s Spouse

Not every couple lives happily ever after. Lingering dissatisfaction with a spouse can accumulate over the years, making it easier for one partner to be tempted by someone new. While cheating isn’t excusable, those who do stray sometimes face more extreme situations in their marriages, such as abusive or neglectful dynamics. In long-term marriages, it’s also common for partners to lose the spark they once had—another factor that can pave the way for affairs.

A Powerful Attraction to Someone Else

Some discover what they believe to be their “true” partner too late—after they’ve already married someone else. Falling deeply in love with another individual can override the commitment to one’s spouse, making infidelity feel almost inevitable. In such cases, there may be little that can be done to prevent an affair in the first place.

Common Causes of Affairs: Men vs. Women

Let’s break down the reasons for affairs by gender. These factors aren’t universal, but they can help clarify what drives men or women to be unfaithful.

Why Men Have Affairs

Seeking Sexual Satisfaction

As mentioned, some men cheat because their sexual needs aren’t met in the marriage. Particularly during a wife’s pregnancy or when children are small, physical intimacy often decreases. Men may look elsewhere to fulfill those desires. Over time, monotony in the sexual aspect of their marriage might heighten the temptation to seek a “fresh experience” outside.

Relieving Stress

Many husbands carry work-related stress; some roles demand long hours or intense responsibilities. If they fail to find a healthy outlet for this stress, an affair can become a form of relief or a break from their daily grind. The thrill of something new temporarily soothes the tension they feel at work or at home.

Craving Excitement

Affairs can be thrilling precisely because they’re forbidden. Hiding a relationship and orchestrating secret rendezvous can feel like a game to certain men, adding excitement to an otherwise routine life. The greater the craving for excitement, the more easily they may succumb to an affair.

Why Women Have Affairs

Seeking to Overcome Loneliness

Compared to men, women often step away from work to care for children or handle domestic responsibilities. As their social circles shrink, loneliness can set in. If the husband is distant or the household environment lacks warmth, a woman might look elsewhere for companionship or emotional support—sometimes leading to infidelity.

Needing Emotional Support

Similar to men seeking stress relief, women may cheat to find solace in a new relationship. For some, a bland or repetitive home life leads them to want fresh excitement. If the husband has stopped treating her as a romantic partner—showing no admiration, affection, or gentle words—she might respond to attention from another man.

Meeting Someone More Appealing Who Strongly Pursues Them

Even happily married women can be swayed if a very attractive, appealing man shows strong, persistent interest. By nature, many women are responsive to courtship; if approached by a man who meets their ideals and encourages them to “forget” they’re married, they may be tempted to cheat.

How to Spot a Cheater Before Marriage

Naturally, most people want to avoid the turmoil of an affair. Infidelity not only strains the couple but can affect relatives and children. Below are personality clues that might reveal if someone has a cheating disposition. If your marriage is already under suspicion, see if your partner fits any of these patterns.

Men: High Sex Drive and Adventurous Types Are More Likely to Cheat

Men who are especially eager to engage with the opposite sex, thrive on novelty, or have a strong libido may be more prone to straying. Here are some traits that raise red flags:

Strong Sexual Desires

If a man has a high sex drive and can’t cope when intimacy lapses—such as when his spouse is unavailable—he might stray. Some men simply want variety or multiple partners.

Highly Demanding Jobs

Doctors, pilots, and other high-stress roles can lead to frustration and burnout, which sometimes propel men to seek comfort in an affair. Work obligations can also obscure their actions from a spouse.

Thrill-Seeking, Outgoing Personalities

Men who love adrenaline, taking risks, or meeting new people often need more stimulation in their personal lives. That desire for excitement can channel into pursuing forbidden relationships.

Women: Clingy or Dependently Romantic Types Are More Likely to Cheat

Women who experience lingering loneliness or require constant emotional reinforcement may be inclined to look elsewhere if their spouse falls short. Here are traits to watch for:

Loneliness

If a wife always craves connection and frequent communication, she might look for someone to fill that emotional gap. During times when her husband can’t meet those needs, she’s at higher risk for cheating.

Romance-Dependent

Some women thrive on the excitement of new love, always needing someone to adore them. If she’s quick to develop crushes or keep multiple suitors, she may be likely to engage in affairs, especially in a long-term, less passionate marriage.

Low Self-Esteem

Another surprising trait is lack of confidence. Women who undervalue themselves can be lured into an extramarital relationship because they can’t refuse strong advances, or they’re always seeking validation. Over time, dissatisfaction with their marriage can push them into another man’s arms, especially if they feel more appreciated there.

What to Do If You Suspect Infidelity

Having explored some major causes of cheating, here’s what to do if you suspect your spouse is being unfaithful:

Observe and Record, but Don’t Confront Immediately

If your spouse is acting suspicious—“She’s ‘working late’ too often,” “She has new social outings,” etc.—keep a log of the times and circumstances. Avoid rashly checking her phone or staging your own covert ops. Because women are generally more intuitive, they may quickly pick up on any such intrusion.

Enlist Professional Help for a Thorough Investigation

Gathering conclusive proof calls for an expert hand. If your notes suggest genuine signs of infidelity, hire a detective or investigative agency for a “cheating investigation.” A fee is involved, but you’ll likely obtain reliable evidence quickly and discreetly. The final investigative report is indispensable in legal proceedings, including divorce negotiations. Even if you decide to remain married, having clear evidence will ensure more productive conversations about your spouse’s behavior and any conditions for continuing the relationship.

Conclusion

Affairs continue to happen because of various reasons—sexual urges, dissatisfaction, or powerful attractions. By noting potential warning signs and understanding personality traits that raise risk, you can better shield yourself against infidelity. In cases where you suspect foul play, don’t go it alone. Consult professionals, many of whom offer free initial advice, so you can move forward with confidence. A balanced approach, self-awareness, and sometimes expert help can protect both your peace of mind and your marriage.