Common Excuses Used in Affairs, and How to Detect Infidelity
Even in the happiest marriages, you might find yourself worrying, “What if my partner has an affair someday?” Infidelity can’t be completely ruled out, leaving many feeling anxious. And if you suspect your partner but they’re determined to hide it, uncovering the truth is tough. You might sense something’s off but remain unsure and distressed.
Let’s look at common excuses used by unfaithful spouses. If your partner’s behavior or words ring any bells, it may be time to pay closer attention. We’ll also cover ways to detect infidelity and commonly used alibis.
Why Do You Need Evidence of Infidelity?
When you suspect your spouse is cheating, your first impulse might be to confirm it. But why is evidence essential?
If your spouse confesses, it seems you don’t need proof. However, as a rule, it’s best to gather evidence anyway. Let’s explain why.
To Claim Compensation from Your Partner and Their Lover
Infidelity threatens the social standing of marriage. The injured spouse can demand financial compensation for emotional suffering. But you must provide evidence to determine the compensation amount and justify your claim. Without proof, you can’t establish the grounds for compensation.
If you don’t know who the lover is or the details of the affair, you can’t seek compensation from them either. Identifying the lover and their involvement requires evidence.
To Justify Divorce
Adultery is a valid reason for divorce. With proof of infidelity, you can request a divorce even if your spouse objects. Conversely, if your unfaithful spouse wants a divorce to be with their lover, evidence puts you in control. Having proof makes them the “at-fault spouse,” and courts often reject divorce requests from at-fault parties. This leverage helps you decide how to proceed—divorce or reconciliation—on your own terms.
To Make Them Stop Cheating
You might think that ignoring the affair will make it fade away. In reality, turning a blind eye often fuels the affair’s intensity. To end it, gather evidence, confront your spouse, and force them to acknowledge it. Without evidence, arguments become a useless back-and-forth. With solid proof, you can have a more productive conversation about stopping the affair.
To Prevent Future Affairs
With evidence, you can identify the lover and hold them accountable alongside your spouse. You might aim for reconciliation and set conditions. For instance, a written agreement (a pledge) can forbid further contact and include penalties for violations, such as fines or immediate divorce.
Such a pledge, often notarized as an official document, discourages repeat offenses.
What Counts as Evidence of Infidelity?
What exactly qualifies as proof of adultery? Since marital infidelity hinges on sexual relations beyond the marriage, evidence must be irrefutable. Examples include:
- Photos/videos of the couple entering/leaving a love hotel or lodging
- Images of them engaged in sexual acts
- Ultrasound images of a child fathered by the spouse outside the marriage
- A written or recorded confession of the affair
- A private investigator’s report from a detective agency
Compiling such evidence yourself is challenging. However, a detective’s report is often easier to obtain. Before hiring a professional, you may want to confirm the likelihood of infidelity. Since investigations can be costly, ensure you have enough reason to suspect infidelity.
Next, we’ll look at common excuses cheaters use. We’ll also consider excuses that arose during the pandemic, so see if your partner’s stories match these patterns.
Common Excuses Used in Affairs
Excuses generally fall into three categories. Let’s break them down.
Work-Related Excuses Like Overtime or Company Events
Claiming overtime, late meetings, or work dinners is a common cover. Meeting on weekdays after hours is convenient because family members often accept “work” as a valid reason. If unexpected overtime or frequent “company dinners” suddenly become the norm, take note.
Hobbies: Fishing, Sports, Classes, etc.
Weekends or free time can be explained by hobbies. Exercise, language classes, fishing trips—these can all become smokescreens. If these activities suddenly increase, consider the possibility of hidden rendezvous.
Friends as Alibis
Saying “I’m meeting friends” is a classic cover. If they go out repeatedly, it might not be suspicious at first, but some involve their friends in the deception. If a particular “friend outing” happens too often, be cautious. Friends may help conceal the affair, making direct verification tricky.
Pandemic-Era Excuses
With restrictions limiting normal outings, cheaters adapted their excuses.
Essential Errands
Shopping for essentials, running quick errands, or delivering goods to acquaintances can become brief windows for affairs. Although these outings are short, they provide opportunities to meet lovers briefly.
Remote Work
With remote work, old excuses like overtime lose credibility. However, claiming “I need to concentrate at a hotel” or stepping out “to find a quiet café” can mask secret meetings. Keep an eye on their behavior before and after these outings.
Recreation and Refreshment Activities
Outdoor exercise or leisure activities may seem harmless. Yet, under the pretense of fresh air and avoiding crowds, some schedule discreet meetups. Not all such outings indicate cheating, but combined with other signs, it’s worth noting.
Remember, excuses alone don’t prove adultery. Ultimately, you need evidence of sexual acts to establish infidelity legally.
How to Secure Infidelity Evidence
Analyze the Situation First
Before taking action, review the suspicious patterns and consider gathering preliminary clues. Avoid deep investigations yourself; it’s risky and easy to alert your spouse. If you’re serious about confirming adultery, a professional investigator is more efficient.
Start by documenting odd dates, times, and behaviors. Patterns may emerge, making an investigator’s job easier.
Hire a Detective or Investigation Agency
When you have enough reason to suspect adultery, engage professionals. They can produce strong, legal-grade evidence useful in negotiations, mediation, or court. Costs are involved, but if you’re overwhelmed and want a swift resolution, at least consider a consultation.
Use Evidence to Resolve Matters as a Couple
A detective’s final report can serve as undeniable proof. With evidence, you can negotiate more effectively, whether you aim for a settlement, divorce, or conditions to rebuild the marriage. This report can be submitted in mediation or court if needed.
Conclusion
Cheaters often rely on common excuses. By recognizing them and documenting suspicious activities, you’ll know when to consult a professional. While investigating alone can be tempting, it’s time-consuming, risky, and may not yield the necessary proof.
Start with observation and consider a free consultation from a detective agency. With proper evidence, you can confront the situation calmly, choose the best path forward, and ease the emotional burden of uncertainty.
