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Detective Column

This column is the English version of a column written in Japan.

Disclaimer
This column was originally written in Japanese and has been translated into English for your convenience. Please note that the legal information and references discussed here apply specifically to Japanese laws and regulations. If you require legal advice or information relevant to your own country, we recommend consulting a qualified professional who is knowledgeable about the laws in your area.

What Are the Traits of People Who Repeatedly Cheat, and How Can You Make Them Stop?

Cheating or having an affair is something no one should do, yet stories of infidelity—both in the news and among people we know—never seem to end. There’s also a common saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Infidelity doesn’t just strain a marriage; it can lead directly to divorce. When someone cheats repeatedly, it’s only natural to feel enraged and struggle to remain calm. In this article, we’ll explore the characteristics of individuals who cheat on their partners more than once, and we’ll also discuss possible strategies to make them stop.

What Are the Characteristics of Those Who Cheat Repeatedly?

Some people continue having affairs even though they know it’s wrong. If you want to maintain a long, healthy marriage, it’s worth looking into the traits often seen in habitual cheaters.

Highly Curious and Social

Affairs can begin in many ways, but a common scenario is meeting someone new at group dinners, social gatherings, or parties. Perhaps you even met your spouse at a mixer or group date.

Those who have a high level of curiosity about others and frequently attend gatherings tend to have more opportunities to meet new people. This active social life can sometimes lead to repeated affairs.

Not Wearing a Wedding Ring

Some people don’t wear their wedding ring due to their job requirements or work environment. However, if your spouse never wears their ring—or regularly takes it off before going out—it might be a red flag that they’re a serial cheater.

This isn’t a foolproof sign, but if you’re already feeling suspicious, keep an eye out for patterns. If they normally wear the ring but suddenly leave it behind when going out, that could signal trouble.

Lacking Guilt About Cheating

If someone truly fears the consequences of their affair—breaking their family’s heart, losing contact with their children—they’re less likely to cheat repeatedly. On the other hand, if they show no remorse, it’s a serious warning sign.

Also, be cautious of those who say, “I’m sorry; I won’t do it again,” but show no real remorse or change in behavior. If your partner cheated before marriage, pay attention to their attitude about it.

These examples aren’t universal, but if you do confirm your spouse is cheating, what should you do next? Let’s discuss what steps to take once you suspect infidelity.

Suspect an Affair? Don’t Jump to Conclusions Yet

When you first think, “They might be cheating,” it’s crucial not to confront them or assume guilt immediately. It could be a misunderstanding. Accusing them without proof may anger them and break their trust in you.

If they truly are cheating and realize you’ve caught on, they’ll start hiding evidence. They might even team up with their lover to create alibis, making your investigation more difficult.

With this in mind, start by discreetly looking into their behavior on your own.

Investigating on Your Own

If your partner claims to be working overtime or on weekends but is actually meeting someone else, you might consider verifying their attendance at work. However, contacting their workplace risks creating a bad impression, so approach this method with caution.

Another approach is examining their personal belongings. Check wallets for suspicious receipts or gift purchases they never mentioned. A wallet often holds potential clues.

You could also try to look at their phone or computer, but most devices have security locks, making it hard to access any evidence.

Gathering solid proof of infidelity can be unexpectedly challenging, taking a toll on both your time and mental health. If investigating on your own feels overwhelming, consider seeking help from a professional.

Consulting a Detective or Private Investigation Agency

Private investigators and agencies specialize in infidelity cases. Being professionals, they can collect solid evidence more quickly and reliably than you could on your own.

Benefits of hiring a detective or agency include:

  • Securing quick and conclusive evidence of the affair
  • Identifying the other party’s name and address
  • Obtaining evidence that can be used in court, should you proceed to divorce

Professional investigators can help you avoid time-consuming, potentially illegal methods that might harm your position if legal action is taken. If you want undeniable proof, it’s worth considering professional help.

How to Stop Repeated Cheating

If your partner keeps cheating, what can you do to stop them? Generally, you have two avenues:

  1. Taking legal measures
  2. Having a serious conversation

Let’s explore both options.

Taking Legal Measures

One approach is to have a formal agreement or contract with your partner stating that if they cheat, they must pay a certain amount as a penalty. The idea is to deter them by attaching a clear financial consequence to future affairs.

To ensure it’s binding, consider documenting the agreement or even having it notarized. You can also record the circumstances and date of the agreement, making it harder for them to deny it later.

If a private investigator helps you identify the lover’s identity, and it’s the same person repeatedly, you can also make a similar agreement with the affair partner. This puts both parties on notice that cheating will have serious consequences.

Having a Conversation

This method doesn’t involve any legal documents. Sometimes, repeatedly cheating might stem from underlying issues:

  • They might be trying to get your attention.
  • They may feel they have no place in the family.
  • They might have assumed you’d always forgive them.

By calmly and privately discussing these matters, you might uncover the root cause of their behavior. Some people don’t realize the gravity of their actions until their spouse seriously considers divorce.

If you still want to salvage the relationship, it’s worth trying to talk it out first.

Conclusion

Being cheated on repeatedly is emotionally exhausting and deeply hurtful. If your partner continually betrays you, it’s only natural to feel distressed and angry. However, if you’re looking for alternatives to divorce, know that there are legal measures and honest conversations you can attempt.

Moreover, when gathering proof of infidelity, it’s often best not to go it alone. Consulting with professionals who know how to secure admissible evidence can help protect your interests, whether you aim to rebuild trust or pursue other options.

Japanese Detective Column