Is It Okay to Investigate Your Partner’s Lover’s Identity?4 Key Advantages of Uncovering the Details
If your partner’s infidelity is pushing you toward divorce, you might be desperate to part ways. However, uncovering solid proof of cheating can help you secure more favorable divorce terms and even claim damages (慰謝料) from both your spouse and their lover. This raises a common question: “I know my partner, but I’ve never met the other person involved. Can I investigate their identity?” In this article, we’ll discuss whether investigating the identity of your spouse’s affair partner is permissible and explain four major advantages of doing so.
Yes, You Can Investigate Your Partner’s Lover’s Identity
In fact, doing so might be necessary for a Compensation Claim
To put it simply, investigating your partner’s lover’s identity is possible, and in many cases, it’s a natural step after you’ve already uncovered evidence of infidelity involving your spouse. One critical issue to consider is that if you plan to get a divorce due to infidelity, you can demand compensation (慰謝料) from both your spouse and their lover. However, if you don’t know the lover’s real name and address, you won’t be able to serve them with a lawsuit, and thus you cannot claim any damages from them.
While some people attempt to gather this information on their own, it’s often emotionally challenging to remain calm and collected when dealing with your partner’s secret lover. For instance, you might think of extracting information from your partner’s phone or contacting the lover directly to obtain their name and address. Such actions risk accusations of privacy invasion or other legal complications. They may also weaken your negotiating position in subsequent divorce discussions.
The safest and most reliable way to obtain such information is to hire a professional. Although this may involve some expense, it greatly reduces legal risks and allows you to claim compensation afterward. Moreover, knowing the lover’s identity offers four key benefits.
1. You Can Demand Financial Compensation (慰謝料)
As mentioned, having the lover’s real name and address enables you to pursue financial compensation for the emotional distress their affair caused you. The amount varies depending on their situation and occupation, but it often ranges from roughly ¥300,000 to ¥3,000,000 (around $2,000 to $20,000).
To start this process, you must send a “content-certified mail” (内容証明郵便) to the other party. This official mail, documented by the post office, proves what was sent and when it was delivered, preventing the recipient from claiming they never received it. Some individuals might try to evade this by moving, so having information about their family home or workplace can be helpful.
2. You Can Talk Directly with the Other Person
Sometimes, the lover may want to avoid damaging their standing at work and prefer to settle matters through direct conversation. If you know their identity, you can negotiate in person or by phone.
You might also personally want to know who this person is. However, meeting with the lover requires emotional fortitude and calmness. If you aren’t confident you can remain composed and productive in the discussion, meeting may not be advisable. If your goal is to discourage future contact or ensure your partner doesn’t cheat again, then knowing the lover’s identity can be beneficial—just approach direct encounters cautiously. If you’re set on divorcing and no further contact is needed, there’s no obligation to meet them. But if you believe understanding the other party will help you move forward, having the option to talk can be a distinct advantage.
3. You Can Enforce Payment If They Refuse to Pay Compensation
Sometimes, even after a compensation order, the other party may refuse to pay. If you know their workplace, you can pursue “wage garnishment” as a last resort. Wage garnishment is a type of forced enforcement that you, not the government, must initiate once you have a legal judgment in place.
Without knowing their workplace, you’d be forced to try other means like seizing their bank assets, which often require specific account information that may be difficult to obtain. In most cases, the threat of wage garnishment or other enforcement measures leads to a settlement before it comes to that.
The key point is that knowing the lover’s background gives you leverage if they fail to pay agreed-upon compensation.
4. You Can Establish Legally Binding Agreements
If your spouse continues to see the same lover repeatedly, threatening your household stability, you can draw up a “no-contact agreement” or a legally binding contract that stipulates serious consequences if they break it. For example, you could include clauses specifying that if infidelity continues, they must pay a penalty, relinquish jointly owned assets, or even give up custody rights if you proceed with a divorce.
Additionally, even without wage garnishment, you could threaten to report the affair to the lover’s employer. Most people would find that risk too high and break off the relationship. Enforcing such conditions requires knowing who and where they are. Without identifying the lover’s name and address, establishing these legally binding measures would be impossible.
Conclusion
If you’ve been cheated on, identifying the other person involved can empower you to seek compensation, forge binding agreements, and ensure your interests are protected. While deciding how to move forward with your marriage is never easy, remember that there are actions you can take against your spouse’s lover as well.
Because the affair partner is typically a private individual whose personal information you wouldn’t otherwise know, it’s best to rely on professionals rather than risking illegal methods. Hiring a reputable detective or investigation agency ensures you gather reliable information safely and legally, allowing you to use it effectively should the need arise.
